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Foot-in-mouth - I didn't mean to say that

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Dr. Slack

Thu Sept 30 2010, 12:21PM

Registered Member #72 Joined: Thu Feb 09 2006, 08:29AM
Location: UK St. Albans
Posts: 1659

Have you ever said the wrong thing, picked just slightly the wrong words which give entirely the wrong message?

I think my worst foot-in-mouth moment was a while ago, when my boss and I were on a 4 day business trip in France. We had a number of customers to see over a several hundred mile area, so were doing the trip in his company car. He'd recently been promoted, and was very proud of his shiny, new, and fairly high performance, 2.0 litre 16v SRi.

Today was visits in and around Paris. I had said at the start of the trip that I was quite happy to share the driving, it seemed unfair to burden him with all of the work. But so far he had clung on to his new toy. Anyway, today he finally took the maps and gave me the keys.

Paris, like many cities, has an outer ring road of motorway, called the Boulevard Peripherique or BP. The locals use it as a race track, and its frequent junctions with the radial "not always motorway, but fast and lots of lanes" roads are something of a nightmare. Having the road signs in the wrong language doesn't help either.

I have what I call a "positive" driving style. My wife calls it aggressive, but I figure the most important thing to do with other road users is not to confuse them. My wife confuses the hell out of me, giving way when it would be much more in keeping with the flow of the traffic to command the space and let others yield. We've agreed not to comment on each other's driving, and to stay married. At that time, I drove a 1400cc car with all the performance of a piece of bread pudding, so I was used to hitting the gas early and with commitment, so I could get the road position I was going for.

We were on the BP, and I was told that we needed to come off at the next junction, and then quickly take yet another junction, which would probably involve crossing goodness knows how many lanes in one go. I had settled into the car by now, knew where the clutch bit, knew where the torque came in, and was very comfortable. We came off of the BP and into the junction. Two lanes came in from a flyover, two from an underpass, all jostling for position in my four lanes, and I needed to be ... over ... there ... in a few seconds.

The gap between the two ugly-looking cement lorrys was there, but wouldn't be in another 500mS. If I didn't go for that one, the next one would be seconds away. I floored it, accelerated like my gutless wonder never could, and were were in. A minute later, once we had reached quieter streets, my boss said "that was a very gutsy manouvre!".

What I was thinking, and should have said in reply was "I couldn't have done that in my heap. It's such a joy to drive a car that goes when and where you want it to without mucking about". What I actually said was "well, it's not my car is it!", which is not quite the same thing. Subsequent red-faced explanations couldn't undo the gaffe, and I was given the maps back immediately. Relations stayed strained for the rest of the trip.

What other people have you accidentally bad-mouthed yourself to, or upset, by speaking just a touch faster than you were thinking?

Mads Barnkob

Thu Sept 30 2010, 02:14PM

Registered Member #1403 Joined: Tue Mar 18 2008, 06:05PM
Location: Denmark, Odense C
Posts: 1968

A summer party with the company some years ago, I had been away for 10 weeks on courses.

There was rented tow of these giant sumo wrestling suits and I pointed at my boss' girlfriend and a colleagues wife and told them it was time for the pregnant ladies to wrestle!

What I did not know was that my colleagues wife had given birth while I was away....

I was on my third pint at the moment, I just walked away, it was impossible to save that one...

Never spoke to her again and the colleague was not really a loss, he was never a good friend, or just a friend. :)

Steve Conner

Thu Sept 30 2010, 02:40PM

Registered Member #30 Joined: Fri Feb 03 2006, 10:52AM
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 6706

Dr. Slack wrote ...

We had a number of customers to see over a several hundred mile area, so were doing the trip in his company car.

What I actually said was "well, it's not my car is it!", which is not quite the same thing.

Well, if it was a company car it wasn't technically quite his car either, so I don't see what the fuss was about

He could (should?) have been driving it like he stole it too.

My next-door neighbour once dragged home a Farfisa electronic organ that she bought from a charity shop. She proudly showed it to me, and I foolishly blurted:

"Wow, I have a thing about chicks with organs."

She hasn't really talked to me since either, quite a loss as she is pretty hot.

Renesis

Thu Sept 30 2010, 08:39PM

Registered Member #2028 Joined: Mon Mar 16 2009, 08:13PM
Location: Norway
Posts: 319

Possibly a little off topic, but here goes:

Me and some friends of mine were on a summer vacation in Crete a few years ago. We stayed at a nice hotel called Jasmine Garden in sunny Platanias, not far from Chania.

Now bear in mind that we were all norwegians, and not really used to a whole week of clear skies and 30+ centigrades. It was also our first trip to another country, and our first flight ever. So the whole experience was a little overwhelming.

One afternoon we went to a lovely restaurant overlooking the sea. We ordered pizza, and the waitress smiled kindly as she brought it to our table. The food was good and the view was great, so we quicly agreed to come there again later.

Then came the time when we were ready to leave, and with it came the discussion about how the payment customs were there. Do you walk up to the bar? Do you call the waitress? Does she bring you the bill?

Then one of my less linguistic friends asked me how one asks for the bill in english. The mood was high, so as a joke i replied to him: "The bill, bitch".

My friends at the other side of the table started pointing at something behind me. I turned around, and there she was, standing right behind me. Yeah, she heard. She heard bigtime. She stared me down like only an angry H-bomb can, before she ran into the kitchen to fetch her husband.

Quickly we threw a bunch of euros on the table and fled the place, and as we sported down the street this guy in chef clothes came out of the restaurant yelling and cursing at us, in true greek. The street was full of people, who probably thought we had done a "dine-and dash." Thank god there were no cops around.

Back at the hotel we all sat down with a beer, and laughed at the whole thing.

quicksilver

Fri Oct 01 2010, 11:14PM

Registered Member #1408 Joined: Fri Mar 21 2008, 03:49PM
Location: Oracle, AZ
Posts: 679

An older, rather reserved gentleman was sitting at a bar speaking with his friend and said: "I am totally beside myself. I am so embarressed I really don't know what to do."

"Whatever happened?" his friend asked.

"I was at airline counter buying tickets for the trip back home and couldn't help notice the young lady helping me was wearing a very low-cut dress....
I then asked her 'Could I please have two tickets to TITSBURG'".....

"I know exactly how you feel. A slight slip of the tongue can be so disconcerting" his friend replied.
"I, myself, was having breakfast with my wife & she ordered her meal. After which she leaned over to me & said "What would you want, dear?", while the waiter was quietly writing.

"I casually turned to her and replied at the top of my lungs: 'I WANT YOU THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE YOU DAMN BITCH!'".

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