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How good am I at writing short stories?

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Inducktion

Sun Jan 29 2012, 05:40AM

Registered Member #3637 Joined: Fri Jan 21 2011, 11:07PM
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 1068

,fobp8g8hi69db78

Odd War is not finished, and more than likely never will be.

The Metro one however is finished. I started a part two to it, but I just never finish my stories. :/

How good is the writing anyway? I'm quite sure there's a few mistakes in them.

radiotech

Sun Jan 29 2012, 09:22PM

Registered Member #2463 Joined: Wed Nov 11 2009, 03:49AM
Location:
Posts: 1546

How good is the writing anyway?

Perhaps if you write something we'd know. All you did is paint pictures.

Tetris

Sun Jan 29 2012, 09:24PM

Registered Member #4016 Joined: Thu Jul 21 2011, 01:52AM
Location: Gainesville, FL
Posts: 660

I don't have time to read the entire thing, but I read the first page of "In the Metro." It has a good hook, using the EMPed city, but it lacks adjectives. Take the following paragraph for instance.

I saw a dog on the street yesterday. The dog seemed to be looking at something. It sniffed around at a spot on the ground. It started digging. I knew what it was looking for now. It was his bone.

Now look at the paragraph again with stronger adjectives and phrases.

I observed a stray white dog bounding around on the curb of the street yesterday. The dog, nose in the air, seemed to be searching for something. It spotted a dry, turned up patch of soil on the ground, and scrutinized it. Possibly identifying it as what it was searching for, it started messily digging up the topsoil. The dog had stopped digging, then straightened its gait, looking triumphant. I then knew what the white dog was looking for. It was his old, gnawed up bone.

I've written tons of stories. Some of them, I never finished. Others, I've written both a part one and a part two. Now, I work on a story called "Teslaville." It is about these bunch of people (many with namesakes from this site) that met up, and they (along with an orphaned boy named Mikey) get lost in the sea while on a yacht. They ended up getting stranded on an island formed off of my utopia--a place where everyone loves electricity, and it is a nice wonderful place... and I don't know how I am going to end it yet.

So keep writing, and just improvise. Pretty soon you will get a 100 page story written!

Steve Conner

Sun Jan 29 2012, 10:56PM

Registered Member #30 Joined: Fri Feb 03 2006, 10:52AM
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 6706

Dog finds bone, isn't that a bit predictable?

I saw a dog on the street yesterday. It sniffed around at a spot on the ground. It started digging. I could tell from its snorts and tugging that it had got some sort of heavy object between its jaws. Shit, I thought, wasn't it over there that Uncle Bobby buried the stuff? I dived behind a garden wall and suddenly the air was white, yellow, black, rolling flames, a massive wave of concussion, screams, falling glass, car alarms. A little crisp of dog flesh landed in front of my nose.

The dog's troubles were over. Mine were just beginning.

OK, who's going to write the next 10 lines?

Conundrum

Tue Jan 31 2012, 09:18PM

Registered Member #96 Joined: Thu Feb 09 2006, 05:37PM
Location: CI, Earth
Posts: 4061

Ouch! Talk about nuking from orbit.

-A

E.TexasTesla

Wed Feb 01 2012, 04:16PM

Registered Member #4362 Joined: Sat Jan 21 2012, 03:44AM
Location: Texas
Posts: 98

You stand up form behind your garden wall and think to yourself, mabe the 10 pounds of Nitrogen triiodide you and uncle Bobby made last year wasnt such a good ideal. But hey, the purple colored crater really goes good with your neighbors pink flamingos.
Just then the police arrive. Your neighbor with the purple crater calls out for her missing dog .....

Ash Small

Wed Feb 01 2012, 08:54PM

Registered Member #3414 Joined: Sun Nov 14 2010, 05:05PM
Location: UK
Posts: 4245

I could feel the unmistakable rhythmic beating of the helicopters before I could hear them above the sirens, their searchlights contrasting with the blue and red lights from the police vehicles as they swept back and forth. I counted three, as their thunder filled the sky, the purple crater changing from black to blue to crimson to violet and back to black as the light show continued.....

Steve Conner

Thu Feb 02 2012, 05:22PM

Registered Member #30 Joined: Fri Feb 03 2006, 10:52AM
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 6706

It all started with a piece of junk mail. Normally I throw junk mail away without even opening it, but this caught my attention. For a start, the envelope was a foot square and made of what appeared to be asbestos cement with a lead lining. As the letterbox couldn't even begin to accept it, whoever delivered it had had to enlarge the hole, apparently with a sledgehammer. And, having splintered my hall floor where it landed, the monstrous package lay there, smoking gently.

After removing three bolts and spending some time with a chisel, I got it open. Inside was a thin sheet of stainless steel bearing a laser-etched message.

"Congratulations! You have been pre-approved for a Plutonium Visa card. This ultra-meta-exclusive credit card offers unbeatable benefits that you will love:

First of all, it's made of real plutonium and gives off several hundred watts of decay heat! Great for scraping ice off your car windscreen, making tea in hotel rooms that lack a kettle, etc. Don't worry, the thick nickel and gold plating absorbs practically all alpha radiation and prevents poisoning.

But that's not all! The same special arrangement that allows us to make our credit cards from nuclear materials also allows you, the cardholder, to buy any dangerous materials you might want without fear of investigation or prosecution. The card will also get you through airport security and out of over 100 maximum security prisons worldwide.

Last but not least, the credit limit is infinite! Just sign the back (but don't use a neutron reflecting pen!) and start using your Plutonium Visa card today!"

The card itself was clipped to the bottom of the sheet, surrounded by a rainbow halo of heat-discoloured metal. It was glowing a dull red and I could feel the heat on my face. The card number and expiry date were all 6s.

Conundrum

Thu Feb 02 2012, 07:30PM

Registered Member #96 Joined: Thu Feb 09 2006, 05:37PM
Location: CI, Earth
Posts: 4061

With all the talk about light up and blinking magazine adverts, I haven't seen any glowing junk mail.

Yet.

On the flip side, wonder if anyone has patented the idea of putting WiFi powered flashing message displays in junk mail?
The plan here is that because no battery is needed they are passive and can then be posted anywhere without issues.

What about advertising via PIR activated LED throwies?

Then there's the idea of making self assembling junk mail which uses muscle polymers and an embedded battery to assemble a simple object with the advert displayed on its surface..

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